false promises

False promises laced with hope, Intertwined in an endless silent symphony I feel numb, senses lost, A puppet in a masquerade, Unsure where to go, who to turn to, Alone in a crowded room Lost amidst the hubbub Cars swerve, people rush, Where they are going, I'll never know, Then there's me, walking so slow I almost feel As if I'm going backwards Either that, or immobile Frozen in time, every instant fleeting People leaving me, so here I stand alone With no one to turn to, nowhere to go, no one to lean on, No one to be there for me when it matters most So in the meantime, I'll just stay here alone

behind these dark walls desire consumes us unrequited love promiscuous purity unadulterated hate hiding, loving, wreathing pain, a stream of nothingness poured upon me amidst a never ending waterfall a glimmer of hope twinkles beneath the night sky looking upon the moon i know that we are looking at the same one although it feels like eternity i know that the day will come in the meantime i feel endlessly alone partially loving, partially resenting, endless confusion and unknowing your life bound to an entity that i detest a symbol of death, a beacon of demise a prophecy of nothing unfulfilled while i wait and stay alone drenched in lies and temptation serpentine seduction lingering before me i took a bite of the apple in the garden and so i had my fall

it's not like you can just put a band aid on the scar and patch it up, make it heal forever it's a wound that takes time to heal and that's the only solution you just keep trudging along, paving a new path, until eventually, you find your way I'm a puzzle piece forever missing, an unsolved mystery until God knows when

pushing

Sometimes all I can do is push forward, When I really want to push back I feel like I'm living in an organized chaos Where I have a strict schedule, a strict plan for the future, A planned map of exactly where I want to go, and I feel like that map is now burning I feel like a spinning compass, a lost traveler, A sky without a North star to guide, A ship without a captain, A soul without another to unite A barren wasteland, with emptiness echoing across the meadow A tumbleweed drifting off into the distance A dandelion seed flying into the wind A girl who thinks she's got it together But really doesn't have a clue And so the clock ticks, the wheels turn, the pendulum swings And only tomorrow will tell What will come of us

23

I've broke a lot of hearts
and had my heart broken,
I've whispered sweet nothings,
and had sweet nothings unspoken,
I've held the world in my palm,
and never felt so free,
cuz I'm 23.

Down the rabbit hole

There is a demon who can't let me see
The beauty that's right in front of me,
I'm so transfixed, all I do is compare,
All I want to have is what is not there,
A faded tear falls down my cheek,
I have a never-ending quest to seek,
A new image of self, of perfection,
Because when I gaze into my reflexion,
All I see is empty, all I see is plain,
I seem so superficial, I seem so vain,
But I can't help that it's how I feel,
I want to be plastic, I don't want to be real.
For I grow and I shrink and I eat and I drink,
I really don't know what else to think,
For I'm all alone in a strange place,
And my image of self has erased,
Call me a serpent, call me a maid,
I'll be whatever you call me in this masquerade,
For I am blind, yet I can only see,
the identity that you transcribe upon me.

a poem for a friend

This is a poem about friendship and a poem about love,
A poem about everything I can think of.
Through all of the darkness and all of the pain,
You were there through the rain,
The rain of my life,
You were there in the storm,
To give me shelter and keep me warm,
and although I haven't been the nicest to you,
I can tell you our friendship will always be true,
I feel so bad for what I said,
The way I used you and the way I fled,
away from you and into the arm
of someone who only caused me harm
I felt so betrayed, I felt so used
I was so easily tattered, so easily bruised
and for the only person who really cared,
I ran away because I was scared
I was just so young and so naive
Now I always mourn and I always grieve
for the true friend that I really lost
At at such a very selfish cost
Although we've both moved on and found someone new,
My friendship with you will always be true,
So I wish you happiness, I wish you love
I wish you everything you dream of,
because you're a great person inside and out,
I know that without a doubt.
So go ski down a mountain and bike through a trail,
and maybe sometime you'll remember a tale,
of the shy girl with the dark blonde hair,
whose life you changed in a way that is rare.